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*2009 Bodybuilding Events Calendar RELEASED!! *CLICK* ^^
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Thursday, July 2, 2009
My advance apologies if the blog isn't as active as it used to be... I kinda need some time to compose and sort myself out. I'll be back
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
The next time you see me smile... think again. I am a parasite and a gold-digger. That much I'll admit. But today even that has become a "so what?" and I don't really give a damn. I'll survive somehow, off something or other. Besides... I'm getting rather sick of all this talk about money and glamour and earning money and being able to spend more money. Uni. Work. Uni. Work. What's next? A future I don't even want? What is going to happen when I run out of things to distract me? I invest in no one but me. But lately even that has become something of a bother. Why you do not see recent pictures of me on this blog anymore is because I've let myself go too much and no longer like what I see in the mirror. No point wanting to look good when it's no longer appreciated, right? I'm "off the market" now, anyways. Friends? No seriously... sometimes I even laugh about this one. WHAT friends? I believe I am constantly in denial over something or other. Just wish I knew what exactly sometimes. I am messed up and confused. I am lonely... but do not desire human company because it automatically makes me artificial. But if I'm not.... nobody would want me. Do you know sometimes how liberating it is to be nobody? I wish I could describe it in words to you, but I don't know how. Maybe if you walked my path for a little while. Maybe if you were hurt, misunderstood and betrayed as much as I was in the past... you would understand why I have given up hope on all humanity. You too would understand why I no longer have a purpose in my life.
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Sunday, June 28, 2009
Big, baaaad beefcake alert!!! Was out yesterday with my man... dropped by the video store at Ikano... and he showed me the lastest copy of Judgment Day........
*babbles incoherently for next 30mins* Shame on me. OH! And if anyone comes across the tribute CD "Edge: A Decade of Decadence" ....
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Thursday, June 25, 2009
Yeap he's also residing in my Crowntail, Midnight's old tank.
I haven't given up on trying to take a perfect picture of my tri-colour Halfmoon, Mirage, yet either!
No pics of Chomper cos he's still deathly terrified and I'd rather save him the horror. Seriously...... =.= Betta keeping is such a huuuge addiction. Officially obssessed. LOL! And.... I made peanut butter today! Yeap... good ol' homemade, natural peanut butter. Instead of splurging so much $$$ on expensive sugar-and-salt-free PB like some of the other guys are... I figured it'd be so much cheaper to make my own. Besides... shouldn't I be totally adept at preparing bodybuilder-friendly foods for my sayang and myself, anyways?? :D First the nuts were toasted in a pan... and then moved to this big sieve to remove the paperish brown skins
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Wednesday, June 24, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my dear friend, Michelle! I hope you had a good one, and am looking forward for your return here during the hols. It's been freakin' forever. Thanks for seeing me thru my fat awkward days and every one of my fucked up phases. Boy. Was I one ugly, delusional kid. But yea. High school would've sucked big time without you. You know I love ya, hun.
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Tuesday, June 23, 2009
- Chinese saying- Blood. Sweat. Heat. Hunger. Pain. 5 years later here I am. Is it too late for me to realise I've made a mistake? I don't feel good about myself. I question my faith and beliefs. I make myself so unapproachable and intimidating. I feel myself becoming cynical about "friendship", and scarily I don't seem to want to move from it. I was the girl who once said "I don't have the gall to bear grudges", and forgave with amazing ease. Today... hate has become my cardinal. Looking thru my past entries I feel like such a hypocrite. I paint a picture of joy... Contentment. Pride. Freedom. I am the mistress of fake smiles, pretend laughs, and mile-thick facades. Shocking too... how automatic and natural this has become for me. Deep down I'm battling my demons. There is nothing glamourous about what I do. Just something to distract myself... an empty "goal" to keep me going. Looking back on my academic achievements... it's hard to feel proud and happy about what I've done because it doesn't mean a thing to me anyway. I feel far from beautiful. I feel far from proud. And heck, I've been in denial... sweet oblivion and denial. Whee-hoo, reality check! What kind of a normal, sane person talks to fish anyways?? Who's as delusional to believe they understand, love and need you, and honestly make you feel better? I am. I try so hard to make everyone happy... but myself. Walk a mile in my shoes... and maybe you too would become cynical about "family" and "friends"... when those closest to you are the ones who pain and betray you most.
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Sunday, June 21, 2009
Anyways, uni is treating me okay (I guess) and I'm hanging tough in there, but somehow a part of me is still struggling to fit in and relate to what I do... if you know what I mean. Argh. It feels so screwed up that I'm finding it harder and harder to talk or blog about my feelings or describe and put them into words. It's hard trying to come out of being so goddamned antisocial and untouchable. It's hard trying to come out of being so work-and-passion driven and just STOP for a moment sometimes. And of course another reason why I've not been blogging so much is cos I've been pretty occupied with my new betta brood (ask Ernie... he'll tell you the horrors of my recent petshop obssessions). As if 3 weren't full enough... I just SO had to add another one to the collection. *guilty grin* Haha. No pictures of my 4th betta yet but you'll get to see him pretty soon. :D Oh btw you gotta check this out....
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Monday, June 15, 2009
I actually spent quite a long long time there looking thru all the jars... was really difficult trying to pick out a good fish as the water was treated heavily with methylene blue and other anti-stress components... turning it a very dark colour. So it really took awhile to pick out two that I was really satisfied with. And now allow my to introduce the latest additions to my "brood"! XD
Not to mention, he LOVES the camera and seems to know that his picture is being taken - he stays still and fans out his fins as if he's posing!! K lah! Assignment time! :D
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Saturday, June 13, 2009
Okay this is probably gonna sound really stupid to you... You know now Facebook allows you to pick a username which shoes on your profile URL... so instead of the long profile serial code thingy that appears at the end of it... you can now customise it to read "facebook.com/*insert cool username here*". :D Yay! So yea we are supposed to be able to pick our usernames on Saturday (today!) at 12pm but I totally forgot till tonight... but guess what for the first time in heck I actually managed to get ladyvanity!!! Yeap.... and usually it's already nabbed by some chick halfway round the world and I gotta resort to ladyvanity1989 or lv1989 or something marred by numbers and underscores or other. I couldn't even get "friendster.com/ladyvanity". Dammit this page would've been ladyvanity.blogspot if I had my way! So yeap. Haha. All the paranoia about not being able to get a nice, clean n' simple "/ladyvanity"..... and I got it!! ....... Anyways I'm really looking forward to tommorow... I got an off day and no nothing very special is going on... but I'll be going to bring my new "boys" home tommorow from Subang!!! :D Lol. Ok lah I'm not getting puppies or kitties... I'm going to pick up bettas. Y' know. Fighting fish.... *awkward silence* Yes lah go ahead and laugh (I know some of you who do!!!)... whats wrong with liking to keep fighting fish eh? I mean, c'mon if I wanna raise a family of snakes like I've always wanted to I gotta at least be able to take care of FISH, no? Well anyways.... they're not just any kind of betta... they're expensive, breeder-quality betta. Thats why we're going all the way to get them straight from the exporter. :D And I'm supposed to be studying for my IT and critical thinking quizzes but I seriously am unmotivated to do so.... blah. Okay. End of random post. Seriously bored.... ERNIE COME HOOOOOME ineedstopokesomeone!!!!! Lol....
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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Friday, June 12, 2009
Till the next time.... ;)
Livin' Loud, Livin' PROUD
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