Lost

Sometimes when I sit alone contemplating what I have achieved and what I have not... I tend to get upset knowing there is so much I aspire to be and yet may never be.

You screw ur college big time. You have no interest or drive to study anymore... and will probably finish your A-levels failing really badly, then taking a course and job you'll hate the rest of your life. Seriously, I still dont know what I want to do. Time is running out on me.

Your modelling career ended even before it began. Even if I wanted to start it again... I wonder if its too late. I'm no longer 'slim' or 'sexy' or up to what the media percieves as beautiful anymore. You're just 'big'or even 'fat'.

You have no idea what the fuck you're doing as a so-called personal trainer. Heck your 'clients' don't even call you back anymore. And hell I need that money... Fuck you I NEED that money. More than ever, especially now...

I cant get out there and do the things I want to and fight for the life I want because I'm tied down so constantly. Opportunities are there... but I just cannot take them. Sometimes I wish how different things would be if I was just born in another country... another family... or even another timeline. Pressure, transport, time, money... everything. It's depressing sometimes.

Maybe I should drop dead. Then I won't have to worry so much anymore.