This is probably not one of the most positive posts I'm gonna make... and also some of you may say I am in no right to complain or comment about this… But right at this very moment I am really feeling chock-full of emotion, and am simply overwhelmed by the whole situation. Gut feeling tells me I’m getting myself into one big, fat mess.
I’m having my worries and doubts about work, especially as of late when I feel I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I don’t have an off day anymore, having acquired more clients. Even on my work days I’m coming in several hours more “overtime” to train them. Recent changes at work have also brought me to this predicament where I may need to be dishing out EVEN more overtime for my PT and on top of that, floor duty. Some days I come in twice a day, as early as 7am! But heck don’t get me wrong as I don’t mean this in a hostile manner – I love my work, I love the gym and the people and all my colleagues. I don’t mind pulling out a couple more hours a day in the gym, but (oh yes there’s always that big, stinking BUT) this paired with my university schedules, dance practice and classes?
I’m tempted to throw in the towel and say I can’t do this anymore – I seriously don’t have a life anymore beyond uni and the gym, but I know I can’t be that responsible. I really feel that things are rapidly slipping out of control. Technically I’m a fool and an asshole to complain as well. The rewards from PT are immense and you have absolutely no idea how proud I am of my strong, hardworking ladies. I’m feeling a lot of guilt, having to reschedule some of them. I’ve even put my modeling on hold! I know I cannot afford to just stop working and concentrate on my studies either. There’s money to make. Money I NEED for practical things like food and supplements, and for the fact that if I work harder now… there will be more that I can allocate for my little luxuries in the future. I have made financial mistakes in the past that I hope to rectify.
I have been booted clear out of my comfort zone. I know it’s time for this princess to toughen up and rough it out. I wanna believe, that somewhere deep down I am capable of doing THAT much, giving more than what I thought was “my all”, coming out to be a better, more resilient individual. I wanna believe everything happens for a reason, and I shall do my very best to see this as a test of faith and willpower.
My walk with the Iron has been fulfilling so far in spite of every obstacle and heartache. I have been broken, discouraged, and let-down in the past… but right at the end I have always been rewarded for pushing my limits. Once again, this is one of those times I’m gonna have to step up, suck it up, and while I’m at it I’m gonna hold my head high and say hey. This is what I love, and it is what I will stand for. I’m sticking with this now, no worries. I’m gonna muscle thru it all, and I know whatever I sow… I will reap. I want to believe that I can pick up the broken pieces again and when I mend, I will be something stronger.
I’m having my worries and doubts about work, especially as of late when I feel I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I don’t have an off day anymore, having acquired more clients. Even on my work days I’m coming in several hours more “overtime” to train them. Recent changes at work have also brought me to this predicament where I may need to be dishing out EVEN more overtime for my PT and on top of that, floor duty. Some days I come in twice a day, as early as 7am! But heck don’t get me wrong as I don’t mean this in a hostile manner – I love my work, I love the gym and the people and all my colleagues. I don’t mind pulling out a couple more hours a day in the gym, but (oh yes there’s always that big, stinking BUT) this paired with my university schedules, dance practice and classes?
I’m tempted to throw in the towel and say I can’t do this anymore – I seriously don’t have a life anymore beyond uni and the gym, but I know I can’t be that responsible. I really feel that things are rapidly slipping out of control. Technically I’m a fool and an asshole to complain as well. The rewards from PT are immense and you have absolutely no idea how proud I am of my strong, hardworking ladies. I’m feeling a lot of guilt, having to reschedule some of them. I’ve even put my modeling on hold! I know I cannot afford to just stop working and concentrate on my studies either. There’s money to make. Money I NEED for practical things like food and supplements, and for the fact that if I work harder now… there will be more that I can allocate for my little luxuries in the future. I have made financial mistakes in the past that I hope to rectify.
I have been booted clear out of my comfort zone. I know it’s time for this princess to toughen up and rough it out. I wanna believe, that somewhere deep down I am capable of doing THAT much, giving more than what I thought was “my all”, coming out to be a better, more resilient individual. I wanna believe everything happens for a reason, and I shall do my very best to see this as a test of faith and willpower.
My walk with the Iron has been fulfilling so far in spite of every obstacle and heartache. I have been broken, discouraged, and let-down in the past… but right at the end I have always been rewarded for pushing my limits. Once again, this is one of those times I’m gonna have to step up, suck it up, and while I’m at it I’m gonna hold my head high and say hey. This is what I love, and it is what I will stand for. I’m sticking with this now, no worries. I’m gonna muscle thru it all, and I know whatever I sow… I will reap. I want to believe that I can pick up the broken pieces again and when I mend, I will be something stronger.
posted by LadyVanity at
9:17 AM
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